Over the course of our lifetime, we will find ourselves in spaces or places that no longer feel like a good “fit” for who you are and what you stand for.

It’s completely normal to grow out of spaces and let go of people who no longer share the same interests, values, or goals.

While we want to have a diverse community of people from all walks of life, its completely healthy to outgrow some friendships and relationships. Some believe that you must maintain all relationships in order to be a good person but I would like to challenge that statement by saying: “You don’t have to hold on to, or keep relationships that are no longer serving you or your values”.

There are varying levels of relationships that we can have with others. Not all relationships are meant to (or should) last forever and not all relationships are healthy. When we grow and come into our own, we can sometimes grow apart and someone who was once your “partner in crime” turns into someone whom you have very little in common with.  

When finding community first, determine your personal values. What are the things that you enjoy that is very “you”. Instead of thinking of what you should like or what is popular, think of the things that bring joy to you. Start by noticing what you are already investing your time in. Notice what shows you like to watch or podcasts you like to listen to. Think about how it would feel to be able to share that with someone or a community of people. If the thought of that brings joy and excitement, then that might be a good place to start. If not, then you’ve just ruled something out.

If you are just learning to discover your voice and your interests, this is a time to be as creative as possible. Let yourself and your mind go as far as you can. Give yourself creative license to explore those parts of yourself that you previously hid away because it was not appreciated or understood by the people around you. Maybe it was something that was previously mocked because it not “acceptable” in your family or mybe it was something that was just not possible at the time.

Not all community needs to be about personal development too. Know that it doesn’t have to be a community about better yourself. You are enough just the way you are. Explore and jump in. If this is something that is outside of your comfort zone then expect to exprerince discomfort the first time. Explect yourself to feel like the “new kid” in the space because you ARE new in that community. Make space for the discomfort because discomfort doesn’t always mean “bad”. Its okay to feel the discomfort of growth. You should actually expect to feel the discomfort of growth from time-to-time.

When you are exploring these new spaces or communities, give yourself permission to just observe and leave the space if you’ve determined that its not a good fit for you. Typically, no one will be offended if you decide to leave to take care of your needs. If someone does become offended or anry with you for deciding to take care of your needs in the moment, it’s might be a sign that the space may not be a good fit. While we want to be respectful, we always have the right to take care of our personal needs as they arise.

There are many ways to find spaces to explore. One helpful tool is social media. You can use social media to find different groups with similar interests. Know that groups on social media can be both uplifting and draining so proceed with an open mind and clear boundaries. The great thing about social media is that sometimes those groups on social media will resume having in-person groups once it’s safe to be in large public groups again. It can often feel more comfortable to start with online interaction and switch to in-person in the future.

Another way to find community is through community meetup or attending events that you are genuinely interested in attending. It can take time to connect and find your community but know that building trust and kinship with others takes time and commitment. So, if you are engaged in community start by practicing being a member of the community first, versus focusing what you can get from them. By doing that you are no longer engaging in order to get something, you are engaging in community to be a member.

Finding community that is uplifting and affirming can also help improve your mental wellbeing. When we talk about “feeling seen” it can mean being in a community that allows us to be our full-creative selves. Finding people who SEE us and acknowledge us for who we are can be healing and life changing.

In summary, make time to reflect on your desires, interests, and generally the “thing” that brings you joy. Once you’ve found the space where you are able to be your full authentic self life will feel much less lonely.

Next, I would like to discuss a new challenge that I am starting on April 14, 2021. I have learned through my own journey, the power to connecting in community and receiving the kind gesture from a stranger. Kindness of a stranger can make a profound impact on a persons’ life.